party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
