what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
