after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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