what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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