If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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