So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
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He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
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He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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