Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
