I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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