if i can run in heels then i can drive
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
my liver is dry heaving
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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