We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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