note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
