On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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