i'm lost and i look like a hooker
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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