Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
