He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
