margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
