UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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