And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she peed on how many people?
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed