So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.