i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
about cumming, not toast
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.