you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
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i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
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Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.