I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
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I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.