with your own penis?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?