Already got asked if we're dating
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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