is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
