the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
