So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
