i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
