NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
