Don't you send me to vm
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
