Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
