you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
