He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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