I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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