Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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