Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you didnt know i had herpes?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
