I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
