well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
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He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
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I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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