literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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