I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
