i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
