I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize