hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
