Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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