she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
