My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
