shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
