I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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