Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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