If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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