i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
This show inspires me to have sex in space
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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