the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
