they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
