girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We need a shit load of segways right now
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
True strength comes from lack of pants
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
