I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
