JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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