Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
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next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
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Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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