What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
