Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize