Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
