I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
