They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
