I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
