I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
